closer look...

[day 6 post op]

Ok. So I had a closer look at the girls today. I had to go to Dr. Sean Rice to take off/change the dressing and the nurse let me look at them dressing-free. Oh boy. They did not look pretty. I felt ok about them yesterday but today was so not the case. There was some extra skin at the bottom of the breasts which the nurse referred to as the "nubbins" (how lovely) - she said that they would definitely go away in a few months. I wish they would go away now. Not that they show when I'm wearing a bra but just knowing they're there makes it very unpleasant.

My nipples definitely looked very very WEIRD. Probably because of the stitches and stuff. But kind of wrinkly and shrunken- that's the best way I can think of describing them. But that's all normal apparently. She took off the dressing and put on little tape stuff on the stitches (around my nipple and down my breasts) and gave me some gauze to put on over it to protect it from the bra. Apparently it's normal for me to see the stitches split over the next few days and apparently it's normal to see yellow stuff come out (YUCK!!). I got some polysporin to apply over the wounds, hopefully that helps with the scarring too.

Nurse said that they will look smaller after a few months, drop a little (they look abnormally perky right now), and take a much better shape. Consoling. Or should be anyway. But I'm still adjusting, still taking it all in.

The pain has been pretty minimal today. I only took one pain killer today which was good. And this is probably in the zone of over-sharing but if you know me you know I'm pretty open about this (and I know you LOVE me for it hahah) so here goes: I went "number 2" for the first time today since before my surgery. So gross eh. But I think that's normal because of the meds. It was just such a relief to get it over it! Poo is only good when it's all out, that's all I have to say.

Oh and after I got home after the appointment and tried on some of my shirts, tops and dresses. Oh my word. I look SO small. So flat. I couldn't get over it. I know this is what I signed up for. But seriously I didn't think it would look this different. It's definitely going to take getting used to. It's still a good change, I know it, but it seems like the adjustment period is going to be different/longer than I thought. At this point I've already started thinking "Thank goodness for padded bras!", "Maybe I should have asked to be a bit bigger" etc. I know I've made the right choice. I know it. It's just kind of rough believing it right now.

How great would it be if I could just skip this whole healing process? Although I know I'll miss out on some great things that I am meant to learn/glean from all of this. So maybe it wouldn't be so great to skip it afterall. I can already see this affecting my identity - going out sometime this week, seeing familiar faces looking at me in an unfamiliar way. Because in a way I am unfamiliar. That's going to be...something. I look forward to seeing people and "getting it over with" - not in a bad way but I just want to get there already.

I'm a big hurry eh? I just want to be everywhere already, feel everything, and move on already. This is really forcing me to slow down, take it easy and think about things. Think about me, see me, differently. It'll be neat getting a new and closer look at ME.