day 2

I had my surgery yesterday. I showed up at the hospital at around 6:30 and started getting prepared for the operation - checking weight and blood pressure, getting all marked up etc. When I was lying down in the surgery room I was a little scared and almost cried. But they gave me the anesthesia and I was totally out. I remember waking up hiccuping, that was kind of strange. But yesterday after I got home and yesterday I felt really good. My appetite was great - I ate as though nothing had changed. It was great.

But then later on during the day I noticed that there was blood underneath my left breast and I also noticed that it was swollen more. When I lifted my bra some other liquid other than blood came out. I looked at the post-op instructions they said that if there was assymetrical swelling and pus (which is what I assumed that non-blood fluid was) I should go to emergency. And that's what I did - I waited in emerg for over 4 hours until someone could see me only to tell me that I was fien and that this was normal. Thank goodness. Although I was pretty pissed that the post-op instructions didn't detail those problems. But whatever, better safe than sorry right?

Today was much harder than yesterday. I guess because I was in emerg all night and didn't what much and continued to take my Tylenol 3 on an empty stomach I was so sick. I threw up whenever I ate, not fun at all. Then finally my sister went to get me some gravol and I've been feeling much better since.

So that was all that was kind of negative. It's definitely worth it though. My boobs look so small even with the dressing on. When I am lyging down I can actually see my stomach beyond my boobs. Something I haven't been ablt to do in years. It felt so good. I am really happy with the size so far, although I'm not sure exactly things will look after the swelling and stuff has subsided. I am not ready to take a look at them yet though.When the emergency doctor was looking at them yesterday I covered my eyes with my hospital gown because I don't think I can bear to look at the state of my breasts right now. Although my friend who got hers done on tuesday came over today and she looked amazing and SO happy with her size. And she took a shower so she actually had a look at her breasts and said that they were ok to look at, she was tempted to get emotional but the fact that they are the size she wanted them to be the stitched and scars didn't get to her that much. I really hope I feel the same way.

But yes, I have been doing ok so far. I have my sister and mom taking care of me which I am SO thankful for. I honestly don't know how I could have gotten through it without them by my size helping me out with absolutely everything. They are really awesome.

Anyway, this is it for now. I'm starting to get tired again and sleepy (probably the gravol - which I recommend people take from the start if they are doing this surgery even if they don't feel nauseous to begin with. My friend who got it done suggested that that was necessary and I agree with her!).

I will continue to update on my progress every few days.

this is it.

In 12 hours I'm going to be at North York General ready to be put to sleep for my surgery. 12 more hours. Wow. I can't believe that the day is almost here. Today is the last time I look the way I have been for the past few years. It was interesting picking a bra to wear today. It took me a while. The last time I wear my 32 H bras. I chose to wear my black one with pick lace - it makes me feel good. :).

I'm starting to get nervous about the surgery now. I haven't done anything this serious to my body ever and I know it's going to be painful. I'm starting to get butterflies in my stomach. And I almost want to doubt but I know this is the RIGHT thing for me and the right TIME. In 12 hours.

I have to be at the hospital at 6:30 tomorrow and then it all begins. I went to visit my friend who got it done and she looked good. A little pale from the process of the surgery and she said that the pain wasn't as bad as she expected and that the process wasn't as bad as she expected either. Apparently Dr. Sean Rice was with her throughout the process and came to check up on her three time after. I feel so good about the surgeon we chose.

Anyway, this is it for a week or so I think. I will definitely be updating this more after the surgery is done and I can type again. Pray for me guys :).

the brown girl with the big boobs.

Everyone wants to be remembered. During one of the last days of high school a girlfriend and I were having a conversation: what/how we thought people would remember us. And I couldn't think of anything for myself and my friend goes "Duh, the brown girl with the big boobs."

The Brown Girl with the Big Boobs.

This morning I felt something different. My hands went up to a part of my body that will be half the size in two days and part of me felt like it was mourning already. For such a long time my breasts have been a huge (no pun intended) part of my identity (which was not intended). I spent a lot of today feeling weird. Not in a "I wanna back out of this" kind of way, but "this is going to be really different" kind of way. There's no way I can fully describe or articulate what was going on but I'm going to try.

There were lies bouncing around in my head all day. They almost seem like silly things: I was telling a friend I've felt like I've never had a problem standing out because of my chest, or girlfriends have always said things like "Oh your man is going to be SO lucky" (with reference to my H cups), or the fact that I live in a culture that values what I have as an asset to physical beauty. At one point the thought "Well, what now, Pri. What's going to be so special about you now?" It took me off guard. And for the first time I felt just a little scared. Not because I'm going under the knife, I wasn't scared about that at all (yet), but because I didn't know what things are going to be like. Because then I'd be just The Brown Girl. And I thought "That's not good enough." I felt so plagued and ashamed by these shallow but scarring thoughts. It was not a day for pleasant thoughts.

But thank goodness for friends. Thank goodness for The Truth. Thank goodness that I have someone who was, is and ALWAYS will be enthralled by my beauty because He made me that way, because He made me in his image. And image that is perfect and pleasing to God no matter what. Today would have been much scarier if I didn't have Jesus. It's unbelievable easy to get caught up in the worldly view of beauty. It is so easy to let the world tell you who you are and what you are worth. I've fallen into that trap numerous time and something tells me this won't be the end BUT the good thing about this Truth, about Jesus, is that it's not going anywhere. So no matter how bad or good I feel about my physical beauty I know what's real and I know what matters and that definitely does not include my cup size.

In this moment, this brown girl with big boobs doesn't care how anyone remembers her. Not because she will soon be just the brown girl (which is great, brown girls are freaking awesome) but because she has so much more to her than the world tells her she does. And thank GOD for that.

So that was an uplifting end to a sort of hard day. It might be a weird process going through this, and I am so glad that I have my girlfriends and my family with me. It means so much that I can talk to my friends and really be honest about how I am feeling and receive nothing but love and truth from them. Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for being there - I am so unbelievably excited for this and I am now also beginning to see the kind of healing that Jesus intends to bring into my life. This is going to be quite a ride.

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My buddy who was doing the surgery "with me" had it done today and I am extremely excited for her. She's recovering and for those of you who want please do pray for a smooth recovery for my dear friend!

so close!!

17 days 10 hours and 52 minutes as I write this. Pretty wild.

Today I went to see Dr. Sean Rice again. We talked a little more, he gave me instructions for the night before (no eating/drinking after midnight). I have to be in hospital at 6:30 - brutal, but worth it. I also had to get a surgical bra. It's stretchy all over except for the band that goes around my back. Apparently after the surgery they put saran wrap (along with the other stuff they need to put, surgical dressing etc) over my boobs. Weird. Well, whatever works I guess.

A couple more weeks to the bye bye boobies party - pretty excited about that :)!

My mom is coming to take care of me. She gets here Thursday night (my surgery is the next morning). She's staying with me for 10 days, so it should be good.

This is it for now. I have to call North York General and book a post-op appointment. There are way too many of these appointments.

Breast size may indicate diabetes risk

According to this I have a higher risk of diabetes...grrreeeaat. It also runs in my family I think. And apparently getting a breast reduction isn't really a solution. Darn it all.

1 month

As I type this there are 31 days and 8 hours left to my surgery. It's so surreal. 5 months from conception to reality - I love how fast things can move. I am so excited that the 10 days that I have for reading week will be a time of rest and of change. It's hard to speculate how different I'll feel or look at this point, although those who have gone ahead of me with this surgery say it's going to be awesome. I have been thinking about this surgery so much. I just want for Feb 22nd to be here NOW! Although I know that this time of preparation is important. I feel like the time I have is long enough for me to prepare myself and short enough that I don't go crazy waiting. And it's been great anticipating this event with my dear friend (who will be saying bye bye to her boobies just 3 days before I will). I think this would have been a different experience if i didn't have the kind of support I have now with a buddy.

Speaking of support - my mom is coming to take care of me for 10 days. Although she doesn't really agree with the surgery (the timing mostly, that and she doesn't get why I would want to) she still wants to take care of me. I think I'm starting to appreciate more and more the idea of having her around when I'm recovering. I hope this will be an opportunity for her to really get why I am doing this and also a time for us to bond. We shall see how it goes.

my next appointment is on Feb 4th. And then after that the next time I see my doctor it will be in North York General for my surgery. 1 month. Wow. Wow.Wow. I cannot wait.

More Advice from "C"

Here is some more advice from another friend of a friend. It was fantastic how helpful people were. They were more than willing to help - so thankful!

"I did get OHIP coverage because I was 14! If you talk to your Dr they can tell you if you will qualify for some, or all of your surgery.
I was a "E" cup and I went down to a C cup. I thought at first this was too small, but it is just about adjusting to your new body...just like you did as a teen! I am actually now a D cup. But you have to remember I was 14 when I got my breast reduction. I had and have a lot of muscle underneath my breast. I have very good pectoral muscles and a strong upper body (I was a swimmer at the time and I continue to swim and until recently was a competitive cheerleader). I would suggest starting a fitness regime that includes lots of upper body work, free weights, bench press, pushups etc.

My surgeon was Dr. Mohamed Elmaraghy...he is amazing, a great surgeon and I absolutely recommend him.
I didn't see anyone except Dr. Elmaraghy because he is one of the BEST in all of Ontario. Your Dr has to recommend you to a surgeon but I don't know if you have a choice. If you don't like a specialist, I guess you could wait even longer.

My surgery was actually done within months of me booking an appointment; this is really quickly. It can take almost a year sometimes. I got my surgery within 2.5 months. This may have because of how young I was.

Something you should know about surgery specific questions; I heal abnormally fast and I have high pain tolerance. I was also very young so that might have helped my recovery time. I also take really bad reactions to the drugs they use to put you under.

The surgery is supposed to be day surgery, you are supposed to leave the next morning. I was so sick from going under I couldn't keep down water, I was very illl, but not from the actual surgery. I stayed an extra day, or it could have been two (it's been a long time).

They give you painkillers, I was on morphine. It knocked me out really hard so I tried not to take it as much as possible; same goes for the T3's they gave me afterwards (I didn't actually finish the whole prescription).

I mostly had a dull throbbing pain, and not a sharp stabbing pain. The part that actually hurt the most was the part where they removed the drains. It was only supposed to feel like a tube being removed from your body, it wasn't supposed to hurt again. I heal really quickly so I had actually already started healing to the tubes, which means it REALLY hurt when they took them out. This is unusual.

I had no complications, but I did have 2 (of hundreds) infected stitches, which were cut out of my body (a little uncomfortable, not a big deal).
What they do is they cut all the way around the base of your breasts and they actually remove your nipples. This means you have a lot stitches to look after and one possible problem is that your nipples actually die, they don't graft back. My nipples are fine, I still have feeling. The one thing that did bother me is that my nipples stretched a bit, this is something that I notice. However, my fiance says they look "normal" (not that you need to know that but I just mention that as a second opinion, I am not trying to over share).
One thing that helped my recovery time is that my mom took great care of me. I actually was out of school Monday-Thursday and returned to school on Friday, but took the next Monday off (someone walked into me in a hall....that hurt). You go for two check ups after the surgery but I don't feel like that is enough. I heal really well and do not scar...I have nearly NO scars. But I also think that is because my mom changed my dressings everyday, made sure everything was sterile and we used polysporin. We used q-tips to get the medication where it actually needed to be. I was fully healed within a month.
I have no idea what costs were involved, my parents paid for me to have a private room, I missed some school and there were some medical supplies, polysporin, sterile pads, the prescription for T3's.

I am not sure how people reacted after they saw me, plus I was in highschool and kids in highschool are jerks. I know that people said stuff about me and I know that people with no life still mention it. However, I am not the type of person who cares in the least what randoms think about me.
Besides the rude people who said things or were crude were the same people who were mean and crude before the surgery. I wouldn't worry about what other people think. It is about your body and your health!

One thing to think about, you might not be able to breast feed after the surgery, if you don't bind your chest, they will stretch out again. This isn't a problem for me as I am NOT going to breast feed and probably couldn't do to the amount of tissue that was removed. "