hypersensitive

Ok, so you know how excited I was about getting the feeling back in my nipples again? I actually thing that they are HYPERSENSITIVE. Turns out that while some women experience numbness in their nipples after breast reduction surgery a much less common side-effect is hypersensitivity. This, like numbness, also wears out in 6-12 weeks so that's kind of reassuring. It's my right nipple that's mostly hypersensitive, my left one feels okay.

They are starting to look less "uglier". I'm glad I didn't have to deal with any bruising and stuff...yet. I don't think I'll have to at this point. I am looking forward to being able to resume normal activities like running, picking up heavier things (and being able to do groceries on my own, although it's nice to have a friend help out with that, I totally appreciate it).

Also, I don't remember if I mentioned this already. I don't think that I am a C cup - I'm pretty sure that I am a D cup - which I am learning to accept. They look fine and very proportional to my body which is what I wanted. I feel very comfortable in my own skin now, way more than I did before! So thank goodness for that.

I'm forgetting what it was like before. That feels good.

2 weeks

Tomorrow it will be two weeks since the surgery. Wow. My healing process has been so great - my breasts are starting to take some decent, "normal" form and shape, I've gotten all feeling back in my nipples already, my stitches are dissolving, I've been sleeping on my side and best of all I can now have a drink or two :). I've been taking pictures to keep track of the process, it will be really neat to see the progress over the next few months.

I didn't take enough before pictures, I wish I did but that's okay. I'm definitely forgetting what it was like to be a 32H. It's strange, but very good. I feel like this is so right. This is how it SHOULD be and now it finally is. It's been such a great experience so far, I'm so glad I made this decision.

On a side note, I am getting tired of wearing the surgical bra, I just want to start wearing the fun bras already! But all in good time. I'm so happy to be where I am today. Just this past summer this was nothing but a vague idea and now it's all done and over with, for the most part anyway. It's been just over four months since I made up my mind about this. That's a pretty short time now that I think about it. But when you know it's time it just is. Things worked out so well and God was definitely moving things along flawlessly. It's amazing when you know that you're being taken care of and I've definitely been feeling that way. This is would be such a hard thing if there had been complications or issues and there have been ZERO. None, whatsoever. I am so thankful for that.

love it

OK. so the last post i accidentally posted on my "real" blog. It's not the latest blog site I've been using but people still visit it i guess because someone had commented on it. I always contemplated using firefox for my normal blog and IE for this one but I figured I was too cautious to mess up. BLAH!! And obviously the day I mess up someone actually reads my blog. And a boy at that. A boy from church. Great. Got some damage control to do. Or maybe I should just totally ignore it ever happened. I am too embarrassed. Whatever. I'm glad I had a panic attack only 24 hours later and removed it before another pair of innocent eyes had to read about how my nipples are doing after surgery.

Speaking of my nipples....I CAN FEEL THEM! I just realized this a few minutes ago. Not just from the inside but when I touch them! Wow. Wasn't expecting this for a few more weeks! This is such good news. I'm happy the healing is going so well!

The post-op appointment went well. Doc said I could sleep on my side and also have a drink ;). Everything is going well he said. ALTHOUGH, he did have to do some "draining" today. Apparently I had some fluid collect on the sides on my breasts and and he had to use this syringe to take it out. It looked big but I hardly looked to see what it was, I was too nervous. I could hardly feel anything when he drained out my right breast but the left one hurt. It's a necessary evil, I suppose.

Anyway. It seems the healing is all going as predicted. Doc said he got my pathology back today and that it was normal - I have no clue what that means but it sounds good.

Ok. So I am definitely liking my breasts more and more everyday. They are also starting to look bigger and bigger to me everyday. That's probably because they're starting to take shape and form now. They look different than when I first saw them.

My bye-bye-boobies buddy and I went shopping on Sunday for a bit. And we tried on a few clothes. I was upset for a bit because I tried to wear this tube top and my breasts were too big for the medium. What. the. heck. Which is what makes me think that maybe I'm not flat-chested after all. In fact, I'm still well endowed. But I like them. I'm starting to love them and it feels good to feel good about them :). Wearing clothes and not having to worry about cleavage anymore. People have said that my posture is already much better! I feel lighter. It's great.

The scars are also doing ok. Apparently the stitches I have are dissolvable so that makes things easier! One of the things I was nervous about was the fact that I might lose feeling in my nipples. But I don't think that is going to happen to me. I get spurts of feeling in my nipples - but they're from the inside (it's hard to explain). I don't feel them when I touch them, but I get feeling in them. Probably the nerves or something. And they also react when I'm cold, which is an excellent sign of good healing I think.

I have my second post-op appointment tomorrow. I'm hoping to ask the doc if I can start sleeping on my side; I've been sleeping on my back for DAYS! The last time was the day before my surgery. I've stopped sleeping elevated as of yesterday and I feel fine. But anyway, more to come after tomorrow!

no, not yet.

I'll have to be honest. I don't LOVE my boobs yet. Not yet. But today for the first time I LIKED them. I honestly expected to LOVE the girls right off the bat. But it's been anything but that. Struggling with them physically and emotionally has been the trend so far. But today I decided I was going to make an effort and go out. Look good. And with my clothes on, after I got over how different they looked, I thought to myself "They don't look so bad. They look proportional! They look good!". It was the first time I didn't feel flat-chested. It felt good to feel good about them. I'm not where I would like to be in terms of how I feel about my breasts yet BUT I am getting there. And that's exciting.

closer look...

[day 6 post op]

Ok. So I had a closer look at the girls today. I had to go to Dr. Sean Rice to take off/change the dressing and the nurse let me look at them dressing-free. Oh boy. They did not look pretty. I felt ok about them yesterday but today was so not the case. There was some extra skin at the bottom of the breasts which the nurse referred to as the "nubbins" (how lovely) - she said that they would definitely go away in a few months. I wish they would go away now. Not that they show when I'm wearing a bra but just knowing they're there makes it very unpleasant.

My nipples definitely looked very very WEIRD. Probably because of the stitches and stuff. But kind of wrinkly and shrunken- that's the best way I can think of describing them. But that's all normal apparently. She took off the dressing and put on little tape stuff on the stitches (around my nipple and down my breasts) and gave me some gauze to put on over it to protect it from the bra. Apparently it's normal for me to see the stitches split over the next few days and apparently it's normal to see yellow stuff come out (YUCK!!). I got some polysporin to apply over the wounds, hopefully that helps with the scarring too.

Nurse said that they will look smaller after a few months, drop a little (they look abnormally perky right now), and take a much better shape. Consoling. Or should be anyway. But I'm still adjusting, still taking it all in.

The pain has been pretty minimal today. I only took one pain killer today which was good. And this is probably in the zone of over-sharing but if you know me you know I'm pretty open about this (and I know you LOVE me for it hahah) so here goes: I went "number 2" for the first time today since before my surgery. So gross eh. But I think that's normal because of the meds. It was just such a relief to get it over it! Poo is only good when it's all out, that's all I have to say.

Oh and after I got home after the appointment and tried on some of my shirts, tops and dresses. Oh my word. I look SO small. So flat. I couldn't get over it. I know this is what I signed up for. But seriously I didn't think it would look this different. It's definitely going to take getting used to. It's still a good change, I know it, but it seems like the adjustment period is going to be different/longer than I thought. At this point I've already started thinking "Thank goodness for padded bras!", "Maybe I should have asked to be a bit bigger" etc. I know I've made the right choice. I know it. It's just kind of rough believing it right now.

How great would it be if I could just skip this whole healing process? Although I know I'll miss out on some great things that I am meant to learn/glean from all of this. So maybe it wouldn't be so great to skip it afterall. I can already see this affecting my identity - going out sometime this week, seeing familiar faces looking at me in an unfamiliar way. Because in a way I am unfamiliar. That's going to be...something. I look forward to seeing people and "getting it over with" - not in a bad way but I just want to get there already.

I'm a big hurry eh? I just want to be everywhere already, feel everything, and move on already. This is really forcing me to slow down, take it easy and think about things. Think about me, see me, differently. It'll be neat getting a new and closer look at ME.

first viewing.

Day 5 post-op.

I'd decided I was going to take a shower today, and consequently take a look at my breasts. I'd been nervous all day. I took the surgical bra off and starting taking off the dressing slowly. I was prepared for the worst: bruises, discoloration, inflammation, lots of blood etc. And all I saw was blood. Around the nipple and down the breast in a line from the nipple. That's normal I think, that's where the stitches are. My nipples looked a little weird, don't know if that is entirely normal. But as far as the first viewing went I did ok. I was little shaky for a few minutes but I didn't feel much. Which is ok. Maybe I'll feel something later, maybe I won't. But I am ok. And I think that's ok.

My breasts were so small. Well, much smaller than I ever remember them being. And so freaking perky. I can't remember them ever not racing their way to hang down to my stomach every time I took my bra off. They just stood there.

Bloody. Perky. Small. Nothing I didn't expect.

Can't say I'm not happy with the results. I am. They're not so small as to make me think I made a mistake. Not so big as to make me think all this didn't make a difference. Small enough to make a difference, big enough so I've still got a handful.

I'm doing ok. I feel good about it.

I wish I didn't have to be so uncomfortable. I'm so sick of lying/sitting in the same position that last 5 days. I'm going to my doctor's office tomorrow to change the dressing and whatever else they need to do. And I am looking forward to some fresh air.

I'm weening myself off of the Tylenol 3's. They definitely had me on a high these past 4 days. I babbled a lot of stuff to my mom I normally wouldn't. Mostly funny things, but private nonetheless. But things have mostly been blurry. I am so thankful for the people that came by. It was SO nice to see some lovely familiar faces.

Mostly I'm just so glad that my sister and mom were around for all of this. I don't know how I would have managed without them.

More to come after tomorrow :).